Giving & Recieving
Are there strings attached to this offering?
THE DALAI LAMA MIGHT DISAPPOINT YOU
I heard through the grapevine that the Dalai Lama was once offered, by a Chief of a community, a welcome gift.
This gift was handcrafted, apparently made of bones or something, and was regarded as a precious and prestigious offering.
It was said that the Dalai Lama took and RECEIVED the gift with open arms. He honestly and graciously thanked the Chief for his generosity, and then turned to his side and GAVE the gift to someone who was standing next to him.
The Chief was beside himself. He took back the gift and “RE-GAVE” it to the Dalai Lama. “No, no, no this gift is for YOU!”
The Dalai Lama acknowledged him and reassured him that had understood. Thanked him again, and turned to his side and GAVE it once again to the person next to him.
The Chef couldn’t believe it. He was very upset.
WHAT IS TRUE GIVING AND RECEIVING?
What this story is teaching us here is that in order for GIVING or RECEIVING to be authentic it must be free of all expectations.
The Chief really wanted for the Dalai Lama to keep the item. He was upset for a reason. What was he hoping to get in return? What was his intention behind this offering?
I am not by any means judging the Chief. I could have had the same reaction.
However, my question remains — Is that really GIVING?
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TRULY GAVE?
The last time I truly gave was yesterday.
I participated in a Core Energetics workshop where we were asked to choose if it was our time to GIVE or our time to RECEIVE. I chose to GIVE — which meant I had to close my eyes and wait for someone who wanted to RECEIVE from me to call out my name.
Once that was established we separated the GIVERS and the RECEIVERS into two breakrooms.
In my group we talked about different ways we could GIVE to our partner.
Mind you, this was on Zoom. We were slightly limited in ways to GIVE. But we managed to come up with a few options.
I learned later on that the RECEIVERS conversed on how strange and slightly scary it was to open themselves up to this experience, not knowing what they are about to RECEIVE.
Isn’t that interesting?!
I had the thought that being the RECEIVER was more advantageous. But put into context, I agree that it would be a little unnerving opening myself up to RECEIVE when I have no idea what I’m saying yes to.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE GIVE WHOLEHEARTEDLY, NO STRINGS?
Once we were put into individual breakrooms with our partner, I had 20 minutes to “GIVE” my RECEIVER.
I chose to offer my undivided attention.
I said, in so many words, to my partner “I am at your service. I offer you my PRESENCE. You can share with me whatever is on your mind/heart. You can request that I do, say or GIVE you something specific. Whatever you want as long as it’s in line with my integrity.”
My partner decided to share about an experience they had during our lunch break since it was preventing them from being fully present. I listened attentively.
The essence of what I got from the story was that they felt unconsidered. So I made a proposition.
“How about we make and take ALL the space for YOU to GIVE yourself permission to FEEL and MOVE this feeling of being unconsidered? I will play two songs back to back and you can explore through movement, allowing your body to GIVE IN to all that is present for you right NOW.”
They agreed.
What came out of this offering was surprising and enlightening.
I became the RECEIVER.
I witnessed them expressing, moving, struggling, emoting, sharing, letting go, and recentering.
Waves of shivers traveled through my body like blissful electric shocks. It was BEAUTIFUL.
I understood, even more profoundly, at that moment something I already knew but obviously needed to embrace even more.
That GIVING and RECEIVING is one in the same.
When we truly GIVE we RECEIVE. And vice versa.
WHAT NEEDS TO EXIST FOR GIVING AND RECEIVING TO HAPPEN?
When we TAKE we are not RECEIVING.
When we GIVE, with the hopes of GETTING something in return, we are not really GIVING.
When we GIVE, by wanting to get rid of something, then we are not really GIVING.
When we GET what we want by begging or pleading we are not RECEIVING.
When we put limits to what we want to RECEIVE, then we are trying to CONTROL the situation.
When we don’t allow the flow of the unknown to occur then we are in a state of MANIPULATION.
You may want to GIVE but the other person doesn’t want to RECEIVE, then what? How do you behave with them? Do you try to make them feel guilty, shameful? Do you reject them?
You may want to RECEIVE because you feel like you’ve GIVEN a lot. If the “other” doesn’t inclined to GIVE, will you reproach them for not doing what you want?
Do you ASSUME that your partner, friends, sibling, parent etc., should GIVE to you at certain moments?
It’s tricky peeling away the layers in order to reveal our true INTENTION behind our GIVING & RECEIVING.
Our INTENTION is everything.
And what needs to EXIST is the RELEASE OF CONTROL.
CHECK-IN WITH YOUR INTENTION
Next time you have the impulse to GIVE or to RECEIVE ask yourself:
“What is driving my desire to offer?”
“What is behind my desire to get?”
“Is there an unconscious need here?”
“Am I doing this out of guilt, shame, kindness, obligation or pure pleasure?”
With all sincerity, there are NO wrong answers.
All is relative.
However, I believe that the clearer we are of our INTENTIONS, the more we can make EMPOWERED choices.
From this place we will more likely act from a place of INTEGRITY.
And since authentic GIVING AND RECEIVING is the same energy, we “benefit” from every exchange.
